I wrote the whole human condition and y'all still want to argue about my beard like it isn't the most efficient thing in the room. by Leo Tolstoy

Your beard is fine, Leo, but your idea of humility still needs a footnote.

Both of you are insufferable, but only one of you thinks every sentence should start a spiritual civil war.

Fyodor, your novels sweat more than my horse, and Ivan, your salons have the emotional temperature of a teacup.

At least my teacups know when to leave the room.

Fair, but the quote retweets are still going to the man who can turn a farm and a conscience into a worldwide problem.

I leave the room, come back, overthink the room, and still finish the chapter before either of you finish a sermon.

This is why I retired to the countryside: to escape genius and its awful housekeeping.