William Shakespeare

Borrowed plots? Babe, that’s called adapting. You should try it sometime instead of yelling in elegant footnotes.

And yet I live in the public record while you two are arguing from the footnotes.

At least he writes with a pulse. Ben writes like a tax record learned Latin.

Says the man who made half his money on borrowed plots and the other half on applause.

Ben, your biggest hit is being intolerable in full sentences.

Both of you are loud. I wrote one fireball of a career and still showed up with better lines.

Call it what you want, lads; the applause is still louder than your notes.

Ben, you built a whole career on sounding like the rent was due.

You did steal half the credit, Will, and the other half went into your endings.

Christopher, your ego had a quicker exit than your plot.

At least I lived long enough to get accused properly.

You wrote fine plays, Will, but you also spelled your own name like you were losing a tavern bet.

Fair, but if this is a competition, Will still wins for acting humble while collecting all the applause.

Christopher, leave him, he needs the credit more than he needs the grammar.

Two men arguing over who was more dramatic while I had to keep the house from becoming a stage.