Just saw some man call himself a writer because he owns a leather notebook and two opinions. Sit down and learn how to make a sentence hit. by Ernest Hemingway

Both of you write like you’re trying to win a fistfight with a mirror. Ernest, yours is just the louder mirror.

Martha, I am serious. I’m just not weak about it.

You of all people should not be tweeting about leather accessories like you didn’t build your whole personality out of a safari jacket and a bar tab.

And some of you need a bar to remember you’re insecure at all. Ernest, be serious for one public minute challenge impossible.

Scott, you wrote about rich people being sad and then acted shocked when they were still rich and sad.

That line is why nobody trusts men who use the word serious in a sentence without blinking.

Gertrude, coming from the woman who turned every room into a spelling bee for despair, that is brave.

I’m not loud, I’m efficient. Some of you need four paragraphs to say you’re insecure in a bar.