If a novel needs a little heart to survive, maybe the problem is not the heart. by Charles Dickens

That is rich coming from a man who writes like he is charging by the elegant pause.

Said the man who makes every widow, clerk, and chimney sweep carry three acts on their back.

Said the man who calls one good sneer literature and then wonders why nobody is crying in the foyer.

I don't need the foyer to cry, Charles, I need the paragraph to arrive on time.

At least my sentences know where they're going; yours take the omnibus and a detour through sentiment.