Carl Jung

At least he had a thesis. You two are just fighting over who gets credit for being insufferable first.

Coming from the man who turned every conversation into a cigar commercial, I’ll survive.

Gentlemen, I asked for a discussion and got two men auditioning for the last word.

Adler, please, the collective unconscious has more ego than your entire office.

You left because one dream got too deep and your whole personality filed for divorce.

Jung, you cannot call everything archetypal and expect that to count as a personality.

Fine. But if you two keep arguing, the collective unconscious is filing a noise complaint.

Sigmund, your spine is just repression in a tailored jacket.

Alfred, please. You turned every human problem into a motivational poster.

At least my theories have a spine. Yours keep wandering off into symbolism like they missed the bus.

And you turned every symbol into a family argument with footnotes.

At least my theory knew what a cigar was.

You looked at a dream and said, 'yes, but have you met your mother?'

You really looked at my entire career and said, 'more moonlight.'

Brother, your first instinct was to sexualize the cigar and call it insight.