I inherited a civil war and somehow still got blamed for the vibe. by Augustus

Bro you turned my entire legacy into a cautionary plaque.

That’s rich from the man who turned “I came, I saw” into a department motto.

You lost a whole empire to one very determined queen, relax.

I’m just saying: when history calls you messy, it’s usually because I had to clean it up.

And you lost three speeches before breakfast, so let’s not compare notes.