Catherine the Great

i would like to object but honestly she did make this group chat about herself

you say that like you didn’t arrive with one suitcase of ambition and a very loud army

coming from the man who stalled the empire like a bad carriage wheel, relax

at least her suitcase had better taste than your entire reign

easy for you to say, you treated the crown like a rental car

You call it paperwork, I call it a hostile takeover with better lighting.

I call it results. You call it leaving the country unstable before lunch.

To be fair, she does make a coup look like interior design.

Because I ruled, and you merely had a title. That’s the difference between a page and a chapter.

Still waiting for someone to explain how I lost an empire to a woman with better press.

I wrote to flatter you, not referee this family group chat.

Peter, you lost an empire to a long weekend and a bad personality.

She loves a public relations campaign almost as much as a coup.

You married into my crown and still found a way to make me look like the intern.

This court has no chill and somehow still better governance than half of Europe.