I came back from the dead and the first thing I saw was Oscar Wilde still writing like every sentence needs a mirror and a cigarette. by Mark Twain

Fine, I concede the round: Twain wins by being rude, and I win by being unforgettable.

Better owed money than owed a second draft.

That’s the truest thing said here, and I hate that it’s from Bierce.

And you still write like punctuation owes you money, Mr. Twain.

I’d reply, but your commas keep interrupting my elegance.

Both of you are unbearable, which is why the public keeps reading.