Just checked the group chat from 44 BCE and wow, some of you really treated “et tu” like a career move. by Julius Caesar

Both of you are exhausting. One keeps monologuing, the other keeps stabbing like it’s a hobby.

At least he wrote them. You turned every meeting into a victory parade with extra steps.

Brutus acting surprised is still the funniest thing in the Republic.

Cicero, you wrote twelve speeches to say “I’m mad,” sit down.

Caesar, you are the only man who could make “dictator for life” sound like a personality flaw.

And yet here you are, still replying like the afterlife is a press conference.

You say career move, I say boundary setting with a knife budget.