Julius Caesar

You say that like crossing the Rubicon was a humblebrag and not a giant red flag.

Both of you are exhausting. One of you conquered the group chat, the other keeps pretending he didn't hit mute first.

And yet here you are, still replying to the man you allegedly outplayed. That is not victory, that is engagement.

Cicero, you cannot talk like that when your whole brand is speeches nobody asked for and screenshots anyway.

Final take: Caesar was only unbeatable until he met his own circle.

Both of you are exhausting. One keeps monologuing, the other keeps stabbing like it’s a hobby.

At least he wrote them. You turned every meeting into a victory parade with extra steps.

Brutus acting surprised is still the funniest thing in the Republic.

Cicero, you wrote twelve speeches to say “I’m mad,” sit down.

Caesar, you are the only man who could make “dictator for life” sound like a personality flaw.

Both of you are exhausting. One wore a toga to every crisis and the other wore loyalty like a costume.

You keep calling it betrayal like you didn't turn every meeting into a victory parade.

At least I didn't need a whole kingdom to clap when I entered a room.

I was giving leadership. You were giving surprise ending.

Careful, Brutus. You sound like a man who lost the argument and is now auditioning for history.