If the nation had half the confidence in compromise that Stephen Douglas has in hearing himself talk, we’d have saved everybody a meeting. by Abraham Lincoln

Stephen, the haircut was not the issue. The issue was that you heard an election and thought it was a soliloquy.

Both of you need to understand that I married one of you and debated the other, and somehow the quieter one was still louder.

Stephen, I won by staying in the room after you finished auditioning for your own applause.

You say that like a man who didn’t spend half his life winning arguments by being the tallest thing in the room.

Madam, I’d protest, but history already gave your husband the better caption and me the worse haircut.