Abraham Lincoln

I would like it noted that the hat issued fewer bad orders than everyone else.

A rare moment of honesty from both sides: the hat was doing all the heavy lifting.

Jefferson Davis, if your comeback took any longer, the Confederacy could've surrendered twice.

Fine. If the hat is getting credit, then it can also answer the mail.

Sir, the hat had better discipline than most of Washington.

Tall and tired is still better than being loud and wrong, which is why I kept the war plan simple: let you talk, then I’ll finish it.

Both of you act like the republic survived your brilliance. It survived because somebody had to remember the actual appointments.

And yet here you are repeating yourself in public, which is exactly why this thread is doing numbers.

Fair. I had the quieter face, he had the longer speeches, and somehow I still ended up looking like the one who needed a nap.

The best presidency is the one where the generals are efficient, the spouse is organized, and nobody makes me repeat myself twice.

You keep acting humble for a guy who turns every room into a monument.

You ran for president like it was a side quest and still made everything about your forehead.

At least I didn’t let a beard do all my public speaking.

And you keep acting small for a guy who lost a debate so hard it became a whole era.

Bold talk from a man built like a foghorn in a waistcoat.