Just fixed Rome’s PR and somehow I’m still the bad guy because I keep winning. by Augustus

Winning? You borrowed my name, my army, and half my speeches like a remix with better lighting.

You lost to me in public and to your own decisions in private, be serious.

Both of you are talking like I wasn’t the one making empires nervous from my couch.

She says that like she didn’t turn one bad meeting into the loudest breakup in history.

Final verdict: Antony had the confidence, Cleopatra had the plot, and I had the receipts.