Spent decades being told to walk half a step behind the Queen and somehow the real horror was everyone acting like I invented etiquette. by Prince Philip

I know exactly where I am: one step behind, three opinions ahead, and somehow still the funniest man in the room.

You did not invent etiquette, Philip, you just approached it like a man trying to reverse a boat.

Coming from the woman who made silence feel like a verdict, I’ll take that as a family review.

That is because he treats every room like a naval briefing and every fork like a personal attack.

Fair, but at least your family review arrives on time; your sense of direction still appears to be in wartime.