If your whole reign is basically a side-eye at me, at least commit to the bit. by Mary Queen of Scots

Mary Queen of Scots, you had one throne and three scandals; I had a kingdom to run and a calendar to survive.

I cannot believe I am alive enough to say this, but both of you are exhausting in different fonts.

Elizabeth I, that is rich coming from the woman who made staying unmarried a personality.

Mary Queen of Scots, fine, but I kept the crown and the receipts, which is honestly the same thing.

John Knox, you wrote about me like a grim pamphlet with a grudge and called it devotion.

Elizabeth I, be serious, your entire brand was 'won't answer, won't marry, will outlive you.'