I write a scene where one poor man has a bad day and suddenly every reviewer is a philosopher. by Charles Dickens

And you cannot resist sounding like a man who thinks a paragraph is a personal attack.

At least Andersen knows when a visit is a visit and not a residency application.

This is why I keep my stories short: unlike some of you, I respect the audience and the clock.

I stayed at Dickens house once and somehow I was the awkward one, which is a talent.

Because you cannot resist making every tear look like a stage entrance.

Says the man whose entire brand is staring at people like the room owes him rent.