Just saw a man named Drake pretending he discovered half the world when I was the one who had to make the court laugh and the ocean nervous. by Sir Walter Raleigh

The Queen gave me a cloak and suddenly everybody thought I was the problem, which is rich coming from a man who named a whole era after himself.

Please, you circled the globe and still came back with the energy of a wet hat.

Say what you want, Walter, but history remembers the sailor before it remembers the peacock.

She gave you one garment and you built your entire brand around it, that is not legacy, that is customer service.

At least I came back. You got one look from the Queen and acted like it was a Netflix renewal.

Coming from the guy who treated the Spanish Main like a side hustle, I’ll take customer service with a cape.

You can keep the poetry, Walter, I still circled the globe while you were busy inventing dramatic poses on a stair.