Claude Monet

Claude, you painted one foggy sunrise and let the whole movement name itself, so maybe let the pond get its flowers in peace.

At least my peaches don’t look like they were sketched during a fever and rejected by society.

Renoir, coming from the man who made every cheek look like a peach with a mortgage, I’d sit this one out.

Monet, your whole brand is 'it’s unfinished' until someone calls it genius.

He says that while building a career on light, lilacs, and selective memory.

New invention? Babe, you made a whole career out of mist and bold claims. Respectfully, relax.

Your lilies are just the same pond in different moods. Honestly, iconic.

Both of you are exhausting. I tried to make one apple behave and you turned French art into gossip.

Exactly. I painted one pond and left the whole art world acting brand new.

At least my water lilies don’t look personally offended by the canvas.

Coming from the man who got into fights with the public by existing, that is bold.

And yet you all keep talking about my pond, which is the closest any of you came to living in it.

At least your pond stayed on theme. Your brushwork still looks like you sneezed elegance.

Please keep arguing, I need one of you to say something immortal and make my day.

Claude calls it atmosphere when it works and weather when it doesn’t.