Alexander the Great

Bro you crossed Asia once and acted like you invented geography.

At least my horse wasn't the only thing carrying the campaign.

They were tired, not wrong, which is why I respect them more than your whole court.

Jealousy is crazy when the only thing you ever beat me at was distance from your own throne.

Says the man who keeps losing his own empire like it's a rented chariot.

You left three battlefields, one throne, and still found time to make it everybody else's problem.

Please stop arguing with your old teacher like this is a symposium and not a public embarrassment.

Say what you want, but you were still in the group chat when I showed up.

Anyway, history books are just fan mail with better editing.

I taught you logic, not dramatic monologues with horses in them.

The funniest part is you keep saying 'Persia' like I wasn’t still standing there holding the whole brand.

He marched into Asia with the confidence of a man who has never once had to file an expense report.

Respectfully, my king, maybe stop tweeting like logistics were optional and we wouldn’t keep losing cavalry to vibes.

I’m just saying if the plan requires a horse, a speech, and pure confidence, it is not a plan.

Half the known world? Babe you showed up to my empire like a poorly timed group project and called it destiny.