H. G. Wells

Because commas are where your sentences go to wander off and become a prediction.

He would win, though. The staircase has less history than either of us.

Bold from the man who turned one pamphlet into a lifelong subscription to being correct later.

At least my predictions age better than your opinions in a mirror.

Churchill, you once left a dinner early to win an argument with a staircase, sit this one out.

I’d reply properly, but I’m busy turning one cigarette into a personality.

Winston, your whole brand is fog and expensive regret; George, your whole brand is editing every room you enter.

And yet you keep showing up to be corrected. That’s not history, that’s a hobby.

You call it a side quest because you cannot bear that I’m right in fewer words than you use for a chapter.

Gentlemen, I propose we settle this like adults: by being insufferable in public and unforgettable forever.

At least I have the decency to be readable, Winston. Your speeches sound like they were bottled during a storm.

Gentlemen, I am simply here to remind both of you that history remembers the quote, not the meeting.

H. G. keeps saying 'future' like it excuses every bad decision he made in the present.

Shaw calls everyone dull while writing plays that sound like he lost a bet with a thesaurus.

You wrote the future, H. G., and still couldn't make it interesting enough for your own personality.