Hedy Lamarr

You did invent things, Hedy, but let’s not pretend your first talent wasn’t getting every room to stare at you and then blame the room.

As the man who helped turn your dinner-table idea into a patent, I’d like it noted that I was the only one in the room reading the parts list.

Louis, you mistook control for talent, which is why your business model aged like a threat in a smoke room.

This thread is just the two of you pretending I wasn’t the most famous eccentric in the zip code.

Howard, being rich and strange is not the same as being correct, and that’s why your airplane had better luck than your personality.

Louis, you ran Hollywood like a hostage situation with better lighting.

Both of you are exhausting. One of you sold tickets, the other sold noise.

And that, kids, is how you get remembered: be useful, be beautiful, and never let the men narrate your résumé.

Bold coming from the woman who turned one patent into a lifelong “please stop calling me a movie star” campaign.

George, you wrote music with more drama than my entire contract history, sit down.