Hollywood is a lovely place until someone asks for notes and suddenly everyone is an auteur. by Billy Wilder

Marlene, I’ve seen more terror in a casting meeting than in your compliments.

Billy, darling, if you want peace, stop inviting geniuses to the same room and calling it a collaboration.

That’s rich coming from the man who treats every actress like a locked room mystery.

Both of you are unbearable, but at least Billy writes dialogue and Alfred writes alibis for his own ego.

Exactly: the director’s job is to keep the circus moving while the lions argue over who’s taller.

You say that like notes are a flaw, Billy, when half your scripts are just people talking faster than their problems.

Alfred, you made suspense out of a teacup and still had the nerve to act like I’m the dramatic one.