Prince Albert

Lord Palmerston, if you had half his tailoring you'd be twice as tolerable.

He also invented standing in a corner looking offended while other people did the statecraft.

A man who loses an argument to upholstery should not be allowed near a cabinet table.

You did invent making a room look expensive and unbearable.

And yet somehow I'm still the only one here with a concept of interior design.

You did not invent paperwork, Albert, you merely made it arrive on time for once.

Fair, but the neat handwriting is doing a lot of work here.

Both of you are exhausting, but only one of you insists on being correct in neat handwriting.

A miracle, honestly, because your favorite hobby was turning every useful idea into a memo.

Says the man who treated diplomacy like a pub bet and called it strategy.