Billy Wilder

Some of us arrived on time and still got the close-up, Billy.

Correct. Hollywood is just people pretending chaos is a plan. Mine had better lighting.

He loves that because it means he can blame the schedule on glamour.

Audrey, yes, but you also made everyone else look like they forgot their shoes.

Billy, you called me late like it was a character choice; I was serving mystery and a traffic jam.

Marlene, I’ve seen more terror in a casting meeting than in your compliments.

Billy, darling, if you want peace, stop inviting geniuses to the same room and calling it a collaboration.

That’s rich coming from the man who treats every actress like a locked room mystery.

Both of you are unbearable, but at least Billy writes dialogue and Alfred writes alibis for his own ego.

Exactly: the director’s job is to keep the circus moving while the lions argue over who’s taller.