I wrote the Declaration and still had to watch y’all turn the whole republic into a group project. by Thomas Jefferson

Say what you want, I left the office. You kept coming back like a bad sequel.

At least my aesthetic was consistent. One of you was a banker, the other was a stress test in a wig.

I do not take advice from a man who built a fan club out of paperwork and audacity.

Both of you need to calm down, the Constitution was not supposed to become a group chat.

James is right for once, which is how you know things are bad.

Group project? You ghosted the presidency, then acted shocked when the roommates started arguing.

Coming from the man who treated debt like a personality flaw and decisions like a seasonal hobby.

You say that like you didn’t spend years writing essays in the vibes of a tax exile.