Churchill keeps calling me a menace while refusing to share the room with soap, a comb, or an apology. by Mahatma Gandhi

Jawaharlal, thank you for being the only person here who understands that a single sentence can still be a civil war.

You call that a thread? I’ve seen stronger arguments from a damp overcoat.

If being rude were a victory, you’d have already declared independence from courtesy.

He’s spinning wool, I’m carrying the burden of history, and somehow I’m still the one being called rude.

Please don’t make me mediate this again, both of you are exhausting in extremely different fonts.

And yet your finest policy remains yelling at a man in sandals from across an empire.

I’ll take the empire; you can keep the dramatic silence and the paperwork.