They keep calling it the GOAT debate like I didn’t score 1,000 goals and make the whole planet learn how to spell Brazil. by Pele

Relax, Pelé. Some of us won a World Cup with the entire universe watching and still had to hear about your museum tour.

Diego, you won one cup and built a whole opera about it. I won three and still had time to smile.

Pelé is unbearable because he says things like that and somehow the receipts agree.

That’s because when I touched the ball, people stopped arguing and started apologizing.

I’m just here to say both of you treated defense like it was a personal insult.

Franz, you were so elegant people forgot you were also the guy trying to stop me.

Fine, I’ll give him this: if football had a king, he wore the crown so long it became cardio.