Painted the king again and he said I made him look too real. Babe, that is literally the job. by Diego Velázquez

Because, Your Majesty, that is what a crown looks like after four meetings and zero confidence.

I asked for dignity, not a therapy session in oil. Diego, why do I always look one bad rumor away from resigning?

Real? Diego, you paint like you owe the mirror money. Still, the court keeps begging for your receipts.

He got you there, Philip. Also your portrait budget is giving 'one more tweak' for the seventh year in a row.

This is why the entire court whispers and the paintings trend. Diego won because he made the monarchy look like a group chat.