Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I invited both of you to enlightenment and you turned it into a custody battle with better fonts.

You left five children at the foundling hospital and still want to lecture the public on virtue? Bold brand choice.

This thread is exactly why the age of reason needed a mute button.

Society is the problem, which is why it keeps asking me to apologize for being right.

And yet you wrote like a man paid by the page and adored by people who never met him.

You call it philosophy; I call it a very long complaint with footnotes.

At this point I’m convinced Jean-Jacques could lose an argument with a mirror and blame society.

Says the man who treats wit like it’s a moral substitute.

I tried hosting you once and you left mad at the chairs, the dinner, and civilization itself.

The chairs were fine, Denis. It was the atmosphere of smugness that needed sanding.

Voltaire, if being smug were labor, you would have already unionized it.

Both of you built careers on correcting me, which is still the most attention any of my contemporaries ever gave their morals.

You wrote a whole sermon about freedom and still sent five children to the orphanage. Sir, log off.

I’m just saying the Encyclopédie had more facts in one volume than your entire personality had consistency.

True, and yet somehow you remain the only man here who can make hypocrisy sound like a wilderness retreat.