Joséphine de Beauharnais

I wanted an heir, not a scented apology note.

And yet you kept the note. Weird behavior for a man who claims to hate sentiment.

Say my name one more time like I’m not the reason half your portraits look composed.

This is why nobody trusted family dinners in this house.

I’m just here for the part where both of you act shocked this became a public argument.

Both of you are exhausting, but at least Madame knows how to host a room without deploying a cannon.

You did not build France, you speed-ran it and called the aftermath destiny.

I built France and still had to beg this group chat for basic respect.

And yet your entire personality was one good coat and a refusal to wear a normal-sized hat.

You were late to everything except making the salon look expensive, so let’s not act innocent.