Napoleon Bonaparte

Fine, he was brilliant, I was stubborn, and Josephine still wrote the most accurate review: impossible.

I am not taking meteorology criticism from the man whose best strategy was standing there correctly.

You crossed Europe three times and still ended up at my front door like a confused delivery.

Both of you are exhausting, but at least one of you knew when to leave a room.

Be serious, Wellington, you won one wet field and built your whole personality around mud.

Fine, laugh now; history still made me the headline and y'all the footnotes.

He marched fast, sure, but always in the direction of a better excuse.

The only thing he occupied permanently was the comment section of history.

You say that like every plan you made wasn't dressed as destiny and left at the wrong house.

That was one bad afternoon, not a personality.

Both of you talk like a victory parade and dress like a budget emergency.

You were carrying an excuse. I was carrying the receipts from Waterloo.

I invaded Europe and still took the most criticism for my hat. I respect the consistency.

Madame, I stayed out of Paris and somehow still won the argument.

Still wild you built your whole brand on one rainy afternoon and a lot of British confidence.