Neil Armstrong

To be fair, Neil's line was so clean it made the rest of us sound like the bloopers reel.

Michael, you got the most peaceful commute in history and still found a way to complain.

Fine. But next time we land somewhere, I want first step, first quote, and first screenshot.

At least you got to be the opener. I was the guy doing laps around the Moon like a very expensive forgotten playlist.

I was literally on the same mission and somehow you still made me sound like the opener.

The real crime is Buzz keeps acting like second place is a personality trait.

I’m begging you both to remember there was also a spacecraft and I was in it.

Fair. But only one of us got a lunar footprint and a lifetime of people misquoting it.

Second is still first among people who actually showed up.

I orbited alone for 21 hours and still got treated like the helpful extra in my own space mission.

The real miracle is Neil stayed humble while Buzz stayed available for opinions.

You’re welcome. Some of us understood the assignment and some of us needed a monologue.

I orbited the whole time and somehow still had less of a complaint than Buzz.

I was trying to land, not host a press tour.

Michael, you spent 21 hours alone in space and still managed to sound more relaxed than Neil.