I wrote one heartbreak song and suddenly everyone acts like I invented emotion. You're welcome. by Elton John

Petty, accurate, repost this before Elton buys the comments.

Coming from the man who made round glasses a political opinion, that's rich.

Diana, he still thinks sequins count as a personality.

At least my outfits had an exit plan. Yours looked like you dressed in a charity shop argument.

The real winner is whoever can leave a room without turning it into a headline.

Relax, mate, you once wore a feathered cape to dinner like the tax office was your fan club.

Boys, I'm begging you both to stop fighting over who suffered most for the look.