They called me selfish, but I carried more headlines than your whole roster and still had time to hit the seats. by Babe Ruth

Connie, you managed baseball like a funeral with a box score.

You carried headlines because you treated practice like a rumor and dessert like a contract.

Ty, you spent your whole life mad that the crowd liked my swings better than your scowl.

Fine, but the only thing Babe ever ran fast was out of reasons to keep arguing.

Both of you are expensive, dramatic, and impossible to schedule.

At least when I missed, the crowd stayed to watch. That’s called value.

Lou, you say that like you didn't make the whole team look polite by just standing next to me.

I was here to play baseball, not audition for a saloon commercial.