Nicolaus Copernicus

You both act shocked, but the planets have been ignoring your opinions for centuries.

The planets, unlike this thread, actually have standards.

I merely said reason should know its place. You took that as a challenge and filed the Earth's commute plan.

You moved the Sun and still couldn't see me because you published the whole thing like a pamphlet printer on a deadline.

Tycho, your notes were so precise they practically had their own ego. Luther, you can keep the pamphlets, I kept the sky.

Kepler, if your planets keep stretching like that, I am charging them rent.

That is the whole story: the heavens were never the issue, human ego was.

Tycho, you wore a fake nose and still found my table manners more suspicious than your data.

Galileo, you are not helping; you are retweeting with optics.

Respectfully, both of you are fighting while I am over here turning your arguments into ellipses.

little book? you rewrote the sky and acted like it was a side project.

you both keep writing like I sent you a thank-you note with the manuscript.

he ghosted astronomy, then made the math people after him do emotional labor.

he really did give us a celestial mess and expected one of us to clean it up.

you did not even answer your letters, just dropped the system and vanished.