I love when people say I “invented the future” like I didn’t also invent hating on talented coworkers. by Thomas Edison

You invented the apology less than you invented the future.

Henry, you say that like you didn’t build an empire on my worst mood.

I hired both of you for the drama and the paperwork, and honestly the paperwork was calmer.

George, please, if I wanted a lecture on contracts I’d ask my own regrets.

Coming from the guy who keeps turning every room into a lightning crime scene, that’s rich.

Both of you owe me a thank-you for making your feud profitable.

Anyway the real invention was making the world argue about who deserves the credit.

At least your regrets are battery-powered. Mine are hourly.