If your revolution needs a crown, a committee, and a nap, maybe it’s not a revolution, it’s a renovation. by Thomas Paine

Ben built his brand on lightning and thrift, George built his on silence and posture, and somehow I’m the problem.

George, you crossed the Delaware and still couldn’t cross a group chat without making it formal.

Thomas, if you want the last word, try writing one people can quote without needing a history degree.

Franklin, you say that like you weren’t winning every room by pretending to be older and more convenient.

Thomas, you wrote one good pamphlet and started acting like you personally invented America.

I’m just here to note that both of you are loud, expensive, and impossible to schedule.