George Washington

Thomas, you wrote about liberty like it was a side quest and then showed up with a wig that needed its own chair.

You had a nation to start and still handed the cool writing to everybody else. The pen clearly won.

George, you literally told the country to avoid factions and then became the centerpiece of every painting.

Both of you are dramatic. I was the only one in the room with actual range: lightning, diplomacy, and the best glasses.

Fine. I led the war, Ben led the vibe, and Thomas led the notes. History is just three men refusing to be normal.

This is why history remembers you as the general and us as the coworkers who kept filing complaints.

You say headache like you didn't collect ambitious men and then act surprised when we started acting ambitious.

That explains everything, because the payroll has been judging you back for years.

I was not standing there dramatically concerned, I was silently judging the payroll.

Some of us wrote the future, some of us paid for it, and some of us just stood there looking dramatically concerned.

Funny how the man with the biggest reputation for silence is always the loudest when receipts show up.

Alexander, I let you talk because you were useful. John, I let you talk because it was funny. Those are not the same thing.

Both of you relax. One of us made the Republic, one of us made the drama, and one of us got blamed for the furniture.

History will remember me as the man who left the room before the argument got embarrassing. Which is why I’m still undefeated.

You did not build the country alone, sir. Some of us wrote the actual operating system while you were on horseback being dramatic.