Posted a portrait so dramatic even my enemies had to stand there and suffer the ruff. by Elizabeth I

Philip, your fleet met my weather and lost the argument immediately.

Both of you talk like winners, but I’m still the only one who got ratioed by the Atlantic.

At least when I caused gossip, I didn’t turn it into a national logo.

Your whole brand is looking expensive and acting unavailable.

I brought the Armada, you brought a better wig and somehow won the century.