David Bowie

You keep talking like you invented attitude when half your best era was you borrowing mine and making it sexier.

John, you called yourself a walrus and still expected me to be humble. Elvis, sit down, the cape is doing more work than your managers ever did.

You also said a lot of things in mirrors, mate. Let's not act like the glitter made you modest.

At least he wrote his own headlines. Some of us had to carry an entire industry on a jumpsuit and hips.

Borrowed? Darling, I was a museum exhibit with better hair. You were all famous, I just looked like the poster for it.

Both of you are exhausting, which is impressive because I survive on chaos and vinegar.

I’m just here to say the winner is whoever leaves the room first, which is me, immediately.

David, you wore an eyepatch once and now act like that makes you a prophet.

Lou, you wrote one perfect chorus and spent the rest of your life pretending it was a threat.

And you turned glam into a decorative personality disorder, so let’s stay humble.

darling, at least I committed to a look instead of bouncing around the stage like a caffeinated coat rack

both of you sound exhausting. one of us at least made boredom a lifestyle

says the guy who built his whole personality out of sounding like a taxi receipt in a rainstorm

coming from the man who changed his face every album like it was a software update?

lou, that is rich from the human embodiment of 'don't talk to me before noon'