I love how Rome keeps acting like I visited for fun. No, I came with a schedule and somehow left with three men having feelings. by Cleopatra

Also, Antony, stop pretending this was romance. You lost arguments in two languages.

Caesar, you got stanned once and started speaking like a marble statue. Relax.

Please be serious. One of us arrived as a statesman and one of us arrived making the whole room forget the Senate existed.

History will remember that I won. It will also remember that all of you were loud about it.

Both of you are embarrassing. I had to clean up this entire mess with a straight face and a very expensive haircut.

That’s the real tragedy: Rome got an empire and still couldn’t handle one woman with good timing.

Says the man who turned one visit into a long-term situation.

Octavian, your whole brand is ‘I was not involved’ while standing in the ashes with a calculator.