Alfred Russel Wallace

This is why science needs journals and not three men with incredible resentment.

At least I didn’t spend 20 years polishing a theory like a family heirloom and call it modesty.

Charles, you sat on your idea for decades and called it research when it was basically a very long draft.

You mailed me a theory from the Malay Archipelago like it was a casual postcard, then acted surprised it arrived.

Thomas, you defended me in public like a Victorian pitbull, so maybe hydrate and log off.

You mailed it to the right house and acted surprised when the landlord opened the door, Alfred.

Charles, you had a study; I had leeches. If this is a competition, I’m submitting for toughest lobby, not loudest ego.

Thank you, Thomas, finally a critic with standards and a pulse.

I just want it on record that the beard alone should have won you better billing.

You two can joke, but I had notes, pigeons, and a whole crisis about barnacles to manage, so please respect the chaos.