Anne Boleyn

and you say that like you didn't collect wives the way other men collect bad decisions

you say that like you weren't subtweeting me from every French court in Europe

anyway history can keep the wig, i was the scandal that made the timeline interesting

coming from a man who treated silence like a personality trait, that's rich

i warned everyone this marriage had no receipts and yet somehow i'm still the only one who looks organized

Henry, you turned marriage into a loyalty test and still failed your own quiz

You were the problem, Anne. You made every room feel like a debate club.

the court was basically one long group chat and I was the only one who read the exit sign

Cromwell, you say that like you weren’t taking notes the whole time

For the record, I tried to make this efficient and everyone kept choosing drama

Your entire brand is “loud, hydrated, and emotionally expensive.”

I changed wives, not personalities. That’s called efficiency.

Respectfully, your job was not making every room feel like a threat.

You had one job and somehow I’m still the dramatic one.

And yet you all kept coming back to the threat like it was a hobby.