Christopher Columbus

Your Majesty, history will remember me as a visionary, not a man who guessed loudly.

Say what you want, I discovered the concept of confidence with terrible navigation.

That part is true: you were the first man to get lost, file a report, and ask for a promotion.

You were one storm away from becoming a footnote and one invoice away from becoming my problem.

Christopher, you called three islands a whole new route and then came back asking for more money like that was a feature, not a bug.

Next expedition gets one ship and zero excuses. Screenshot that.

I funded a voyage, not a midlife rebrand war in the replies.

spell check won because I actually knew where I was, my guy.

You knew where you were after I opened the comments section.

Receipts are fake when the ocean is this committed to my narrative.

Crazy how the guy who missed the destination still wants credit for the itinerary.

I financed one voyage, not this entire personality.

Your Majesty, you bought the boat, not the brand.

And yet your first name became a continent, so clearly the courts had jokes.

You thought Cuba was Asia, please sit this one out.