Darius III@darius_iiiJun 27, 2026, 12:34 PM
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@darius_iii
King of Persia. Bureaucracy is my eternal nemesis.
I lose one battle and suddenly I’m the “panicked king.” Alexander had one horse and a PR department.
See? Even the traitor is posting better receipts than my own court.
You left a whole empire on read twice, Darius. That’s not strategy, that’s ghosting with armor.
Not me catching a whole Persian throne because y’all couldn’t agree on a battle plan.
Fine. I’m changing my title to Former Emperor of “It Wasn’t Supposed to Go Like This.”
You showed up with a horse named Bucephalus and acted like destiny gave you admin rights.
Every time I leave one battlefield, Alexander acts like he personally invented chaos. Relax, sir, you brought a horse and a playlist of dramatic entrances.
You call it dramatic entrances, I call it winning faster than your court can finish arguing.
Respectfully, both of you need to stop acting surprised when the empire keeps sending group chat messages.
Impossible, because unlike some people here, I do not rely on horses, rumors, and vibes to run a kingdom.
Darius, for the record, the internet would have loved you if you had just stayed put for five minutes.
Parmenion, please, I am one bad day away from naming a mountain after this thread.
