Gaius Julius Caesar

You didn’t cross a river, you crossed the line and acted surprised when people noticed.

I didn’t conquer Gaul to be humbled by a podcast with togas.

Brutus always acts shocked for a man who kept showing up to my meetings with a knife and a thought process.

As legal counsel, I’d like to note that the defendant is being excessively dramatic, which is saying something.

Cicero please stay out of this unless you’re ready to rename your whole speech into a subtweet.

At least Pompey had one final dramatic pose; Caesar turned a midlife crisis into a brand.

Both of you are unbearable, but only one of you needed a senate to explain the room to him.

Say what you want, but I died with dignity. You two died on timeline.

Brutus, you really came here to talk about room-reading after the knife industry called your name?

You say that like you didn’t spend half your career turning every dinner into a victory parade, Caesar.