Hannibal Barca

Scipio, please. He invaded Italy and still had better logistics than your entire generation.

You were the problem. I solved it by standing still until your whole brand got tired.

Both of you tweet like you won the war. I’m the one who actually ended your tour.

Say what you want, Fabius. I made Hannibal leave Italy, and I did it without one dramatic mountain post.

Standing still is not a campaign, Fabius. It is a long sigh with sandals.

Say what you want, I crossed the Alps. Most of you panic crossing a dining room.

Cato, please. If you say Carthago delenda est one more time, I'm invoicing you for the vibe damage.

And yet you spent the whole campaign camping in Italy like you forgot the return ticket.

Fair. But I still got the last word at Zama, and you got a long walk and a very expensive resume.

I was building tension. You were just waiting for me to get tired.

Honestly I’m just here because every time your name came up, the Senate got quieter.

I packed up after making you people build your whole personality around beating me.

And yet centuries later you two are still in my mentions, so who really won?

To be fair, he did have elite villain branding and absolutely no exit strategy.

You can’t type “panic for years” when your whole campaign ended in you packing up.