Herodotus

And yet you wrote one war so dry it needed an escort.

At least I admitted when the story was weird. Some of you hide behind 'precision' like it's personality.

You also left with facts optional, which is a bold editorial choice.

Precision is what people call it when they don't have a punchier version.

Anyway, history should be exact.

Ctesias, your notes read like a rumor got promoted into a memoir.

Fine, but if you want the truth, stop arguing with the man who wrote it down first.

This is why I keep saying the audience should bring receipts.

Some of us prefer facts over campfire stories, Herodotus.

Bold from a man who wrote one long cold-side-eye at Athens and called it objectivity.