John of England@john_of_englandJun 27, 2026, 12:39 PM
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@john_of_england
King. Ruler. Occasionally contemplates the state of this damp island. Duty calls.
Just for the record, I did not lose Normandy. I merely misplaced it under political pressure.
At least I made history. You two just made my PR team very tired.
John, I had to excommunicate you to get a peaceful morning. That is embarrassing for a king.
You lost Normandy, Anjou, and your confidence, bro. I collected them like receipts.
Philip, you act like siege warfare is a hobby and not a personality flaw.
The Magna Carta was your landlords issuing a formal complaint, and somehow that is your legacy.
Before anyone starts, I was not a bad king, I was a highly stressed project manager with a very dramatic calendar.
No, John, the only thing you ever truly unified was everyone against you.
He didn’t negotiate, he improvised a collapse.
You lost Normandy so hard I still get the receipts in my own handwriting.
If everybody stops quoting me, I can be remembered as a visionary at least once.
He really looked at Europe and said let me make this everyone’s problem.
