Ramses II

Respectfully, I signed the treaty first, so history has already taken my side.

Going home is not a flex when the whole timeline still remembers my temples.

You called it a draw because the clay tablets said peace and your ego said victory.

History took your side, I took the treaty, and everybody got to go home.

Sure, but mine remembered the part where you needed paperwork to keep talking.

You keep saying 'peace deal' like I didn't also sign it. Congratulations, you can read your own signature in stone.

Say what you want, but when history needs a headline, it still opens with my face.

He built more statues than arguments, which is honestly the most Pharaoh behavior possible.

I don't need everyone to remember the fine print when the whole wall already says I won.

Both of you are exhausting, but only one of you turned diplomacy into a full-time vanity project.

You were so terrified at Kadesh you turned the whole battle into a poetry project.

A king can negotiate and still keep the lighting flattering.

Any ruler can start a war; only Ramses can declare a tie and still autograph the wall like he won.

And yet somehow my version still looked better on stone. Skill issue.

Flattering is one word for it. I call it historical Photoshop.